#DHStips: Conservatives mock ridiculous DHS safety video


Earlier this week, the Department of Homeland Security released an instructional video on what to do if “confronted with an active shooter situation.” Suggestions include hiding and defending yourself with scissors. No, really:

Oh, puh-leeze. Cue the mockfest:

#DHSTips Light a strongly scented candle. If the stench doesn’t drive your attacker away, threaten him with the hot wax

— Brian McDonald (@BrianCMcDonald) January 31, 2013

#DHSTips make a list of co-workers you really hate so you can pick one as a human shield in an emergency.

— Greg Pollowitz (@GPollowitz) January 31, 2013

#DHSTips ~ Fashion a weapon using paper clips and rubber bands, staples may also be used, however they are less effective

— GR Hutson (@jess_reign_bass) January 31, 2013

#DHSTips tattoo your SS number on your arm. It makes it easier to identify the bodies of those we’ve disarmed once the shooting is over.

— Bob Owens (@bob_owens) January 31, 2013

#DHSTips Demand that your attacker donate to the office gift fund; he will flee.

— mLt (@prosehaikus) January 31, 2013

Hastily fashion a bullet-resistant vest and helmet out of duct tape RT @southsalem: #DHSTips Duct Tape! Nuff said…

— Brian McDonald (@BrianCMcDonald) January 31, 2013

1. Grab scissors 2. Offer to hem his pants 3. Hope police make it there before you’re done. #DHSTips

— ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ (@SthrnFriedYankE) January 31, 2013

It’s best to use safety scissors to unarm an armed attacker, to protect yourself from getting unnecessary cuts. #DHSTips

— Jack Sharkey (@EL_Sharkey) January 31, 2013

#DHSTips DO NOT throw twisty light bulbs at the shooter. They are filled with mercury and are considered dangerous.

— Greg Pollowitz (@GPollowitz) January 31, 2013

Using markers and paper, fashion a sign that says “GUN-FREE ZONE”, post it on your door, and continue to work #DHSTips

— Brian McDonald (@BrianCMcDonald) January 31, 2013

Fool-proof advice. Thanks, guys.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/01/31/dhstips-conservatives-mock-ridiculous-dhs-safety-video/

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